terça-feira, 30 de julho de 2013


I know that sounds a little prideful to say that I know the secret to a good marriage! But, I’m talking about a “good” marriage, not a “perfect” one!

Many years ago I finally understood that God wasn’t asking that I’d be perfect. He only asked me to follow Jesus, try to become more and more like Him and do “good” works – not “perfect” works.

So, that works within our marriage, Bruce’s and mine! We are not perfect people by any shot of imagination! We ARE followers of Jesus. We are seeking to imitate Jesus, first of all, and some other “saints” along the way. We have learned to forgive each other DAILY – to begin with.

Actually, the point that I really want to make with this blog is: When does a marriage begin?

It is fair to say that it starts on the day of our wedding! That’s correct, for the most part!

We can expand a little and say that it starts when the man proposes and the woman accepts his request. From then on, the two start planning the wedding day and how they are going to live life after that. Right?

Let’s go back a little further and think about the “dating” period! I believe that what each one brings into that “dating relationship” says a lot about how the marriage will be. If people go into “dating” thinking that it’s just a “trial” period – if they don’t like the other person, they can easily get out of it – that same mentality goes into a marriage relationship.

Actually, that’s why I really don’t like this “dating game”. It is a game, alright! There’s enough of “pretending to be someone else” going on and “dressing sexy for the other”, and “spending too much alone time”, and the list goes on and on. It is a game, because both can win (if the relationship ends up in marriage) or both can lose (if they break up – when at least one is brokenhearted). It is a game for people who are young and really don’t know themselves well enough to know what exactly they are looking for in the other person. Even worse than a game, I can say, it’s a “gamble” – you just never know how much you will “get out of it” in the end. As a gambler, if a person thinks that the other one is worth the time and money, a lot will be “invested” on movies, restaurants, outings, gifts, clothes, perfumes, flowers, etc. On the contrary, if a person thinks that the other is not worth the time and money,   little will be invested and, then again, one never knows where that relationship will end up.

So, with all that said, I would like to suggest that you consider looking at a “future marriage relationship” as something too serious to be considered and developed lightly, gamily, jokingly, without much prayer and alone. This is serious business, friends! God never intended for a marriage relationship to be dealt with so “playfully” or so “vulgar”. That’s why I say that the secret for a good marriage is the way we start the relationship – Dating? Courting? Respecting? Disrespecting? How did you start your marriage? How do you teach your teens to start their future marriages?
Neide Colson.
PS: You are welcome to post comments here or on Facebook.


quinta-feira, 18 de julho de 2013

Good Marriage? Who doesn't want one?

Before I married the love of my life I had one question: is it possible to live and love the same person for the rest of my life?

I asked this question to a friend (my cell group leader at the time - 1991). With much wisdom she answered that each year the love matures and becomes different, even better! Wow! I will never forget that answer. I have actually been experiencing this day-by-day.

Recently, I have been thinking about this again. As you know, in English we can "fall in love" and "fall out of love", right? I guess this is true! It is easy to fall out of love with your husband! All you have to do is: do not forgive him, do not say good things about him, do not put him on his leadership position (it is SO easy to take up his leadership position!), do not look at him with tenderness and compassion! That's all! 
Between the "two" of us, all the things that I just mentioned is very easy to happen, don't you think? Maybe it's just me, but I have a tendency to think that I am perfect (let me rephrase that, I used to have that tendency, but I have been set free). I have a tendency to think that I have (I used to have) the right answer for everything, that I knew everything, only my way was the right way to do things. I used to have the tendency to always complaint about my husband - complaint to him and complaint to others (the children are the first ones to listen to our complaints). Take up the family's leadership? That was the model I had, but I had to submit myself to the Lord and let Him transform my mind.

Finally, I would like to talk about the way we look at our husbands. Do we look at them with tenderness and compassion?

I speak based on my experience. I have given several "looks" at Bruce during our 21 years of marriage. When we were dating I used to look at him with passion, with love, or a look that said "I want to put you on my lap and put you to sleep", or the other way "I want you to put me on your lap and put me to sleep". But, after the first year of marriage the looks started to change. I had a critical look, a superiority look. I also had the "turning eyes" - that one is very sad!

But thank to God that gives us hope and forgives us! Praise the Lord who transforms us and gives us a new heart! Praise the Lord that transforms the way we look at people! When I look at my husband with Jesus' eyes, I look at him with passion, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, tenderness, patience. The same way that Jesus looks at me. The same way I want my husband to look at me.

Bruce has always told me that he feels very special when we are in a party (for example), and I look at him across the room with an approval smile, with tenderness, with passion. That makes him feel a loved, respected and desired man!

How about you? How do you look at your husband?

If you want, please share your experience or a comment on my Facebook page.

With a loving look, from your friend,

Neide Colson.

quarta-feira, 17 de julho de 2013

WEDDINGS - Who doesn't enjoy them?

On my recent visit to Brazil, I had the privilege of attending two weddings. Both were beautiful and special! Each one had its own characteristics, decorations, food and different personalities! Personally, I love going to weddings! I have always enjoyed that!

Earlier this morning I was reading a friend's blog and felt inspired to write about "weddings"/marriages.

I've had other experiences in my life.  To some weddings I was almost "forced" to go, but they didn't bring me any joy. On the other hand, other weddings gave me such a joy, it almost unbearable. So, I stopped to think of why some weddings make me happy and others don't.

I know this is a controversial theme these days, even in the church of Jesus Christ. The Church is constantly changing, adjusting, re-adapting, molding and conforming itself to the patterns of this world. We almost can't tell the difference between the church and the world. Marriage and divorce happen almost at the same rate. Re-marriages and re-divorces (if there is such a thing, or such a word) also happen at the same speed. 

Both weddings that I attended in Brazil were the types that brought me joy. The first one was a similar situation as mine. A pastor, whose wife had passed away 2 years ago, was marrying one of his "sheep". Many memories came to mind. We (the attendees) witnessed to the many struggles that the couple had gone through to get to that moment and the great joy of getting married with the blessing of both families and their spiritual leaders. The party that followed was a big celebration!

The second wedding was simply amazing! It was amazing because I knew the bride and the groom better. I know they were two young people full of energy, joy and the desire of serving the Lord! As single people, they already served the Lord. Now they are going to do that together! Both, bride and groom had a commitment to sanctification - before and now, after married. The attendees witnessed an eternal mystery - God's institution of marriage! What a beautiful party! What a celebration! It made me think of how is our final celebration going to be - when the groom (Jesus) will come back for His pure and beautiful bride! What a "dream"! What a "reality"! What a "mystery"!

Recently I also watched the video of a friend's son's wedding, here in the States. There are two other young ladies in my church who are preparing to get married this Summer. So...... weddings are beautiful and wonderful parties! We need to continue believing in it and doing our part to maintain this institution the purest and most holy as possible. We cannot "conform to the patterns of this world", but we should be "transformed by the renewing of our minds". We ought not to accept less than what God has designed and planned for our lives.

May God bless you, dear friend! May your marriage glorify the Lord! May your children's marriages do the same! And may we, His Church, keep ourselves pure to receive the groom when He comes back. Maranatha!

Neide Colson.